CTV Toronto reporter Naomi Parness has signed off the air and moved on to her next assignment: motherhood. While on her maternity leave, she will be filing occasional columns on the experience of this whole new responsibility. Here's her first column:


In a few weeks my life will change forever. Everyone asks "are you ready"? I always answer: "I am as ready as I will ever be."

I know the days of being carefree and worrying only about myself are over. I know the days of sleeping in until 11 a.m. are over. No more waiting to eat breakfast and finally starting my day at 2 p.m.

Am I ready for the days of being a MOTHER? Worrying about someone all day, but never really worrying about myself? The nights and days of no sleep? The responsibility of this tiny human who relies on me completely?

This I do know for sure: I enjoyed the last nine months more than I could have imagined. I have loved the thought that in the last 36 weeks a human being has grown inside me. From being a pea pod...to forming a brain...and forming hands and legs. I have found the whole experience to be the most amazing I have ever lived through. If motherhood is like this, then I am ready.

There HAVE been some highly unpleasant moments as part of my pregnancy. I spent three months praying I wouldn't throw up on the air, and then sitting on the couch at night hoping the nausea would just leave. I forgot my name live on the air -- and have forgotten almost everything else at the same time. I have trouble putting boots on, and even more trouble getting out of bed at night.

But on the other hand, I have seen ultrasounds where a little "thing" moved in my stomach and even sucked its thumb. I have watched as my stomach rocks back and forth...seeing a little foot or hand make a print on my skin. And I have felt this little "thing" (that I still have trouble believing is a human) have the hiccups -- several times a day.

That's why I imagine motherhood will be the same. Many moments of unpleasantness and challenges, all overshadowed by moments of amazement. These are the moments that remind us why we are alive and why life is good.

Right now I take it day by day. And I imagine it will be that way for the next few months. The challenges ahead for me right now are finishing work, and then labour -- two things that terrify me.

Although I am so looking forward to this little thing coming out and finally seeing what it looks like, I don't know how I will get through the process. But I also know billions of women have done this before me, so I imagine I will be fine and survive in the end.

Finishing work is something different. I have always worked. I love my job and feel lucky that I do love my job.

Our job is one you have to be passionate about to do, and it's one we do because we love telling stories. But it's also about the deadline and that daily rush. And I will miss that. I am not sure how I will be able to sit at home while news is breaking and watch it without covering it.

At this stage of my life I find we define ourselves by our work. I know I will soon define myself by much more. I will miss the people and the responsibility. I know I will have a whole new responsibility. but its just the unknown -- again -- that scares me. Funny, because our job is all about the unknown. We never know what story we will have till we wake up...I guess I should consider the road ahead the same way -- I will never know what the day will bring till it comes.

So as I take it day by day...my emotions shift by the minute. Excitement. Anticipation. Anxiety. Fear. Utter tremendous love for this little "thing." Life is about to change forever. That I know.

And as I turn down this new path I know I am excited and looking forward to all that will come my way. Even though there will be challenges I am up for them. And because of that I know "I am as ready as I will ever be."